I think I make strides in becoming a real person and then I do shit like that. I can only learn from these moments, I just hope I never push someone away forever or even just to the point where they look at me different in a negative way. I will learn to communicate better. Especially in serious situations. I gotta stop saying the first shit that comes to mind. I am not shit, I am a person with emotions just like everyone. I gotta remember that. Another question for myself. Do I give too much too easily? I am an open book but is that bad? I like human connections. She is really my best friend and it hurts me so badly that I hurt her. I was that person. Why am I always that person?
Shit I want to put out there for people to read, but not for everyone to read. Stuff that people might just come across.
He rejected my call. fuck him man. Fuck that. I hate guys. I should just go to sleep.
Ugh, what a waste.
There’s these people making out. I wish I was them. I miss making out with someone new. This type of thing always makes me feel strange. I miss a lot of things. That’s probably why I am always in a relationship. It’s hard to break the habit you are so used to.
Where the sex will be really good, but we can have good conversation naked afterwards.
I really miss that. Being able to have weird conversations with a guy after having sex, still naked.
I want to ask him what does it feel like to cum out of your penis? I think that must be such an interesting sensation. Penis fascinates me.
I don’t think about hating him anymore. Whenever I think I miss him all I have to do is think of the terrible things he said to me the day we broke up. I’m also starting to forgive him I think. Mostly because I feel like I can start feeling glad for him. Glad that he finally moved out of his parents house and glad that he has hopefully found a good person to fall in love with. I just hope he treats her right. And not the way he thinks is right, but the real right. I also wonder when or even if he stopped looking at all my things. I hope he has stopped. I think he has. I really hope he gives the relationship he is starting with this new girl a good go. Everyone deserves to be happy.
No matter what I will always miss when he bites his lower lip when he thinks really hard and that retarded laugh of his. But it is time to move on Tianna. It’s time to fall in love with myself. Sorry men, I’m going to swear you off(in terms of relationships) for a good while. I’ll have sex or maybe go on dates here and there but nothing serious. It was nice having Armel, come and visit. It was an eye opener. I think I’m glad to have him as a friend.
